1. Rich Person Word: “Wing” (to describe part of their house)
Normal Person: “Wing” is used to describe 25 cent wing night at the local wings place. The way you describe parts of your home is by gesturing towards one of the corners of your studio apartment.
2. Rich Person Word: “Summer” (as a verb)
Normal Person: “Summer” is the time of year where you sweat a lot at night because your fan sucks and is stuck doing the rotate-thing fans do and you can’t figure out how to make it just be still. Otherwise, there is literally no difference between summer and any other season. The only vacation you took last year was to contest a speeding ticket you got in Ohio.
3. Rich Person Word: “The Help” (to describe people who do chores FOR them???)
Normal Person: “The Help” is that movie with Emma Stone and Viola Davis that you watched with your girlfriend’s parents over Thanksgiving two years ago. The only people who ever do your chores FOR you are called “the mice in my apartment who eat the crumbs I spill when I have cereal for dinner.”
4. Rich Person Word: “Valet” (to describe someone who…drives their car for them? And parks it?)
Normal Person: “Valet” is a job where I wear a stupid little fancy outfit and I park strangers cars and I go through their change piles and sometimes take a sip of the soda they have resting in the cup holder, that is until Mr. Vacasio fired me for supposedly scratching a Mercedes, even though that was bullshit because that was on a Tuesday and I had a nice wide parking spot for it and didn’t even come close to scratching it. The only people who drive your car for you is called “my cousin Dougie when I had to go to the emergency room a day after my appendix burst and the Nyquil I tried taking wasn’t making it better.”
5. Rich Person Word: “Steak” (to describe some kind of meat they eat as a meal?)
Normal Person: “Steak” is a word from Blade to describe killing vampires (and that is literally all). The thing you eat as a meal is “discarded Pizza Rolls from the dumpster behind Costco.”
6. Rich Person Word: “Subscribe to HBO” (the action of paying money to watch Game of Thrones)
Normal Person: “Subscribe” is a weird term – you do that for Youtube channels, I have no idea what it would mean in the context of HBO (unless they mean they’re subscribing to HBO’s Youtube channel). The way normal people watch Game of Thrones is by “borrowing their parents’ password to HBO Go.”
7. Rich Person Word: “Buy” (to describe getting goods and services in exchange for money)
Normal Person: “Buy” is what your ex-girlfriend said she was and what she said was the reason she was breaking up with you. Getting goods and services is done by “borrowing” or “begging” or “sinking so deeply into debt I can’t see any way out.”